NJIT

Finally got into NJIT! Relaxing in the dorm most of the day. Most of my days are really light except for Thursday, where I have 3 classes and an extremely long class on Thursday. I have a computer science class that is 3 hours long. My roommates are cute kids and they have a lot of friends at the school it seems. Kind of funny since they're coming from out of state. It seems that I have been having some seriously funny situations since getting into NJIT. When I went to get my physical my doctor told me to 1. Get a hobby and 2. Make friends. I was very unwilling to do the second because as far as I am concerned I did not come to this school to make friends, I came here to get my bachelor's degree in Digital Design so that I can be a video game designer.

NJIT

Another year has past and finally I have been accepted into NJIT. They have decided to overlook my lack of pre calculus and I hopefully will be starting at the end of this month. My major hurtle as of now is getting financial aid so that I can actually pay for school. They sent me my acceptance letter via email in June and since then I have been rushing to get everything ready for my new campus life. I had to quickly fill out my FAFSA so that it would be ready for the school to look at. It ended up taking the school a whole month before they send me my physical acceptance letter that had all of the information needed to get things set up. I received the letter in the mail Thursday on the 29th. I'm seriously worried about how I am going to pay for college and it has been keeping me up ever since I learned that I was accepted. I have so many things that I have to do before the 23rd of this month (the 23rd is move in day for the dorms) and I haven't even sent in my on-campus housing application for fear that if I don't get financial aid then I won't be able to pay for school at all. There is a 50 dollar deposit for a dorm room but if you cancel early or don't show up you have to pay a 750 dollar fee (I don't know about anyone else but I just don't have that kind of money to be tossing around). I mean all I need is some merit based scholarships and I'll keep the grades, that is the easy part. The hard part is getting the scholarships in the first place, especially in such a short period of time. And then I also have to come up with the money to pay for extra things that aren't covered by the school such as: a gi for physical ed, art supplies for my drawing class, a laptop that will be able to keep up with Digital Design work....all in all this 'getting ready for college' stuff is kind of stressful. I think I'm getting premature grays!

The session

Hey all,

Here is a short story that I wrote when I was bored. Read, be merry or whatever it is you do.

There are a lot of things that I hate....

People, music that repeats itself, stupidity, people, repetition, people, I REALLY HATE people, I don't even know why, they just get under my skin like a leach, I really enjoy hurting people, When I am sitting around and watch people destroy the world I become sad but when I cause even a small hint of pain to a human being it make me feel sooooo much better, is that normal? Can I be helped? I detest the human race with great intensity, in my eyes they do not deserve to live. When I was a kid I sometime thought that I really wasn't human, that I was something that mimicked the appearance of humans so that I would be able to fit in. Little did I know that it wouldn't be the way that I looked that made me different from them but the way I thought. Sometimes I felt like crying because I felt so alone in this god forsaken universe, and sometimes I would cry because it hurt so much not to be able to connect with anyone because my morals were so different. Tell me, is it really so damn wrong not to want to wear clothes that made you the object of someone's sexual interest??? I honestly could care less if someone is sexually attracted to me, I couldn't get over my disgust of what they are *curls lip in disgust*, human, now that I think on it I really don't mind being asexual, it makes no never mind to me. Sometimes I think so much that it makes my head hurt and I just want even for a minute for the pain to stop, but it doesn't. It seems that whenever I think of emotions or the thoughts that each emotion brings up my head begins to throb. pills have become nothing more than temporary relief of the pain that thinking about emotions brings. I begin to wonder if I continue to feel the way that I do when I think of things will I make myself sick? will I ever be able to be truly happy? I haven't been happy since I can remember *sighs*...I don't even remember my childhood so I couldn't honestly say if I have ever been happy. I don't have an addictive personality but I would one day like to feel what everyone else describes as happiness. It seems so rare and precious but I hope that one day I will be able to feel it if even for a second. Sometimes I wonder if the people around me, the people who supposedly 'care' for me even see that I am in pain emotionally but as I watch them go about their everyday lives I have to honestly doubt it. I pretend to be happy for them, so that they don't have to worry about me, but for once I want someone to be able to see past the facade and at least try to make the pain better. *chuckles* I doubt at this point in time if they could, but the gesture would be nice...a welcomed relief in a uncaring world. One can only hope that death isn't as cold and uncaring as the world that we live in, for if it is then where is the upside? there has to be a silver lining, right? a bright side to an otherwise grim living. As I sit at home alone in my thoughts I stare out at the rainy nights, I only look outside when it's raining, for if it were a clear night then the streets would be riddled with little human children, loud, disgusting, repulsive creatures that they are. They care little for the comfort of others, many a night I have laid awake in my bed because the shrill squeaks and squawks of those little *growls and tightens fists*...animals echo through my ears. *sighs in defeat and relaxes* why do I hold myself back? why do I not live out my dreams? did you know that I have been visited by the same dream every night for the past 10 years? my dream consists of my destroying everyone in my way and even hunting down those who attempt to run *chuckles* there is no escape from fate. *looks up* What? oh, they're fine. They have been unusually quite lately but I still hear them chatting about up there sometimes. Hm? Lou? well he has been sick lately he hasn't been around to comfort me....well he is the only one of them that I allow to get close to me. *shakes head slightly with a small smile* No, I don't trust them will my fragile emotions. They have been rarely used and besides, Lou is the oldest of them all and well he has been with me the longest so I have formed somewhat of an attachment to him. Have people seen me talk to myself? well of course they have, sometimes I just have to talk out loud ya know, to know someone is listening and responding in turn. I know that I enjoy my time away from people but sometimes the world gets lonely, I mean c'mon even morticians have dead people for company. Is that why everyone is there? well I don't know, I guess, Lou kinda made a life of his own and ran with it, but I have to say it does feel good to have someone to talk to. I mean I have no friends and honestly I don't think I know how to make them. I mean what are friends? could you honestly give me an answer to that...a non bullshit answer? I sometimes wonder if I have ever had friends before, I feel no kinship with anyone but Lou and I tend not to like anything that walks on two legs. I have been told by someone....huh? no, not Lou....anyway, I was told by someone to give people second chances but every time I do that I sorely regret it. From the people that I observe I have noticed even the people who come off cold and not wanting of affection and connection, they tend to have it. Someone I know said that they don't care if people don't talk to them but I would bet you that they wouldn't last 1 year in the life I have been given. Hm? what do I mean? well if you watched them like I do you would notice that everyone around me is either talking to people on the computer or on the phone but I'm not because I don't have anyone to talk to. I already told you, I don't have any friends....*sighs* people who I would have called friends end up not being friends at all. Huh? no, I wouldn't call myself emotionally unstable, for that you would have to have a clear grasp on what these emotions mean. I have no idea what it means to be happy, be in love, have friends....the only emotions I have had the privilege of know are hurt, anger, depression, and loneliness. You've noticed that I haven't cried although these confessions hurt? well, what would crying solve? tell me that. If I cried here because these are feeling that have been haunting me since I can remember what would it solve? would it no longer make me feel that way? would it give me someone who understands my pain or at least understands me?? No, it would solve nothing. Lou? no he isn't here, he said that I might want sometime to myself to get these feelings out in the open, well of course he is very knowledgeable about me, he has been with me for a very long time. He worries about me and I know he does....What? because he is the only one who does, he is the only one that everyone else will allow to get that close, he is the only one that I will allow to get close to me. Well, I have to go...there is a marathon of NCIS coming on and everyone would be upset if I missed it. Thanks for listening *smiles and walks away from the mirror*

My Dream house

Hey Everyone,

Haven't posted in a while because I have been way too busy trying to keep up with the terrible math class that I am wasting my entire summer taking. I decided that this blog entry would be to give you a glimpse of my dream, I have been trying to contact countless amounts of people...our "city officials" to ask about who owns the mansion that is down the street from me. I hope to someday buy the mansion, rebuild it and run my business out of it. I think that it is the perfect house that compliments my sense of style and taste. Here are a few pictures of it...


So it seems as though our city would rather let this place remain abandoned and decay instead of letting someone own it a let it flourish. I am persistent with my search for who owns it so that one day I might buy it. cross your fingers and hope we get e-mailed back.

Visit to anne's blog

I went to my friend Anne's blog and read all of the good times we had while in college. I remember one day while we were going out for some food, we ended up having a drag race with some guy we never met before. It was so funny because we didn't expect him to actually race with us, but we cheered as both cars passed each other and on the good note we didn't even get pulled over by the police. I also remember right after I turned 18 I decided to go and get my first Tattoo, it was an awesome experience, the people at the shop Blood, Sweat, and Tears were really nice and professional and my artist did an exceptional job on my tattoo...I was so nervous that it would hurt. The day after I got my tattoo we went to class and I showed my friend Shirley and that day she wanted to get a tattoo so after classes we went back to BS and T and she got her a Tattoo of Ganesh, it was really spur of the moment.

While on Anne's blog I saw a survey and I thought, why not? what can it hurt? so here it is.

The VERY Interesting Survey

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

"Tears shimmered in her eyes, but she held them back. "I kn-know mom's gone. And this woman doesn't even look like her. But it was...a surprise...such a shock...and so confusing.""

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
My cell phone

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
NCIS

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
12:30 AM

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
12:33 AM

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
cars

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This afternoon, for my daily recommended 20 mins of sunlight for vitamin D

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Youtube

9. What are you wearing?
yoga pants and a cami

10. Did you dream last night?
no

11. When did you last laugh?
yesterday

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
tan paint

13. Seen anything weird lately?
no

14. What do you think of this quiz?
I wonder what the next NCIS espiode will be

15. What is the last film you saw?
Pitch black

16.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Pay off my debts, buy a new laptop, buy the old gothic house down the block and start my new video game.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I can't go to sleep easily, I have to wait about 2 hours before I can sleep.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
stop cruelty of any kind

19. Do you like to dance?
no

20. George Bush.
he sucked as a president and he destroyed our economy( but sometimes it seems as though the working class people are the only ones who are affected by it) ,I am so glad he is out of office.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Minnie

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Kalen

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
wow...so what is your real name?

Getting to Know You Survey

1. Birthday:
November 17, 1989

2. Birthplace:
Orange, New Jersey

3. Current Location:
New Jersey

4. Eye Color:
Brown

5. Hair Color:
Brown with red and blonde highlights

6. Height:
6'

7. Right Handed or Left Handed:
Right handed

8. Your Heritage:
Native american and african american

9. The Shoes You Wore Today:
I didn't wear shoes today

10. Your Weakness:
Puppies (but I wouldn't get into a stranger's car for one)

11. Your Fears:
Dying an unfulfilled life

12. Your Perfect Pizza:
Extra cheese

13. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year
get a decent job that I wouldn't mind going to

14. Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
What?

15. Thoughts First Waking Up?
so what are we going to do tomorrow night?...same thing we do every night pinky, try and take over the world!

Major recycling

Hey! ^_^

Over the past week I have been going through old boxes and junk stuck in closets around the house and I happened upon a old Dell laptop that used to belong to my sister. My mother was going to throw it away and my sister told my mom to throw it away when it first got broke 2 years ago. My sister hasn't mentioned the computer since she got her new one before we started college. Since my mother was going to throw it away I took the time to look at it and figure out what was wrong with it. Well I decided the only way to figure it out was to take it apart.

Well after taking the screen and the keyboard off (since I discovered that those were the only broken things) I set out to order replacements. After a week of excitement and waiting they finally arrived.
My mom and dad even shared in my excitement as I assembled my computer. When I was finished assembling it, it came on without any problems. It was fully functional and fully operational.
So after all of my work I thought that no other name would be fitting for her but Phoenix. From out of the ashes she raises anew. So there you have it , side by side, Jack and Phoenix. If you have a computer that you are about to get ride of, think about the environment before you throw it away; fix it, it cost less than replacing it.

New Equipment!

After completing my first logo I decided that I was going to buy myself something that would making drawing and coloring easier...I bought myself a Bamboo fun graphics tablet! It is so cool, a dear friend of mine from college had one and I fell in love with hers. Granted she is a much better artist than I am it still doesn't stop me from trying. After 3 long days of waiting it finally came in the mail.






Meet Jack!

-_-;; yes everyone, I name my electronics. Jack is the first computer that I have ever bought myself. I have had him for about 3 months. He is a very small computer but he has plenty of storage space, a mic, web cam, and wireless capability; but Jack does not have a CD-ROM location, meaning if you can't get it off the web then you can't put it on the computer. In this pic Jack is testing out our new piece of equipment, our Wacom Tablet! (^_^) I guess that you have already noticed that since the reluctant departure of my dog I have surrounded myself with electronics. Only electronics and animals can take up this space in my life...it is a space that the human race isn't worthy to even look at. Don't get me wrong I like individual persons but as far as people are concerned......to me, they aren't worth the skin that they are printed on.